Sandwich Monday: The White Castle Slider

By Ian Chillag

Published January 27, 2014 at 1:57 PM CST

Sliders come in five-packs, or as White Castle calls them, "swarms."

Time magazine recently named The White Castle Slider the Most Influential Burger of All Time, above the McDonald's burger, the Burger King Whopper, and President Millard P. Burger, the first all-beef president of the United States.

Ian: I guess it's better than when the White Castle Slider won Time magazine's Person of the Year.

Miles: Are we sure Time didn't say this is the most Influenza burger of all time?

Eva: Influential isn't necessarily good. Like, the first person to wear jeggings was influential.

Peter: I wonder if they come in large sheets, and they have to be torn apart like stamps.

Thanks to the small size of the slider, Ian only needs 6/10ths of his fingers to eat one.

Peter: They are the perfect size to put under a table leg. If you hated your table.

Ian: These meat pills are hard to swallow, but I'm getting them down.

"Oh you, you're teasing, you're not really food."

Robert: I didn't even realize sliders existed earlier than 2 a.m.

Eva: These can double as ear muffs on a cold winter day like today.

Miles: I assume that the knights of White Castle often find that their horses have mysteriously disappeared.

Mike realizes he's just bitten his slider into a perfect heart, and he finally knows what love isn't.

Ian: When you're storming the White Castle and they pour their boiling hot oil on you, I bet — just for that first second — it's delicious.

[The verdict: So small, yet they pack in so little flavor. As a sandwich classic, it deserves our respect, if not our love.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!