In February 2025, I wrote about the high levels of stress in schools among students, teachers, staff, and administrators. As I stated in the Compassionate Classrooms blog and podcast, my personal antidote to stress is a practice of self-compassion. Self-Compassion is an act of nonjudgmental understanding towards oneself, particularly in the face of difficulty or failure. It is the opposite of self-criticism. Self-Compassion researcher Kristen Neff, Ph.D. asserts that “self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of coping and resilience we have available, radically improving our mental and physical wellbeing.”
Since the Compassionate Classrooms episode on Teacher Talk, the conversations have continued. Second only to AI in Education, this episode has been the most discussed with me by my colleagues and friends.
The algorithms found me too – my social media sphere is now full of compassion content.
My favorite of these newly found articles, How to be Kinder to Yourself, by Susan David from TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series states that “People who have greater levels of self-compassion tend to be more motivated, less lazy, and more successful over time. But just as important, they like themselves, even when they fall short.”
What a great quality to have in a student, teacher, administrator, – or anyone – who is in the daily act of learning.
Learning requires risk and coachability. Self-compassion creates the space for both.
The Ted article begins by addressing the myth that self-compassion is toxic positivity or lying to oneself about one’s shortcomings and failures. Self-compassion, however, is not about telling yourself how great you are even when you are not. That’s called delusion. Rather, self-compassion is about acting like an understanding and emotionally safe adult. It’s about being relentlessly on your own side and radically accepting your own humanity. It’s hugging yourself on a tough day rather than berating and scolding yourself.
How can we become more self-compassionate? According to Davis, we can do the following:
- Stop the internal tug-of-war. Many people judge their emotions and experiences as “good” or “bad” which creates a mental dialogue of self-judgement. Whenever something is “bad,” we criticize it, which causes an internal push and pull, resulting in stress. Instead of living in a black/white or good/bad dichotomy, drop the rope.
- Emotions are information. Get curious about how you are feeling and what your emotions are trying to tell you. Think of your emotions as data and explore what the data is telling you. For a student, that may look like an internal conversation about failing a math test. Rather than beating yourself up, get curious about why you think you failed. Ask yourself what the emotions are telling you – are they pointing to a habit you want to change?
- Recognize What It Means to Be Human. Unfortunately, this means recognizing our own flaws and imperfections. I don’t love to admit it, but we are not machines. We are beautifully human. For a teacher, it may be sitting quietly at the end of a hard day and simply accepting that the day was difficult, rather than ruminating. I often do this practice at the end of a work day (difficult or not). For me, it helps me acknowledge that I care deeply about the education profession, about students, and about learning. Of course I am going to have strong emotions when I experience funding cuts or learn about a school shooting. Of course I am going to be exhausted and need to rest. I am human.
Thanks to everyone – including the algorithms – who have reached out to me to talk about self-compassion. It has been refreshing and helpful to me.
A reminder that If you are feeling exhausted, one way to decrease stress is to practice self-compassion. Curious how self-compassionate you are? Take the quiz on NYT to find out!
The views and opinions expressed on SDPB’s Teacher Talk are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the University of South Dakota.
